Disappearing
by Happygolucky9
Summary: Bella is an anorexic. This is a story of her struggles with food, love, and highschool. EXB eventually. R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

The green trees passed by us in a blur. I sighed. My parents thought it would be healthy if I left the bad environment of a big city and came to live with my dad. They just didn't understand. It wasn't the environment. _It was me. _Something wasn't right with the way I thought.

Charlie pulled into a slightly familar driveway. I had visited Forks every year for a summer since I was born. Except for this summer. This summer I was too busy getting _better. _Charlie popped the trunk, and I tried to grab my suitcase before he did. He wouldn't have it saying I didn't need to strain myself. It was true though. The bag probably weigh more than I did. My room was the same as always. Blue walls, yellow curtains, and hardwood floor. The bed was small, but I didn't take up much room anyways.

I unpacked all my way too big clothes and little nic-nacs. I went downstairs were Charlie was talking on the phone. He hung up shortly.

"Who was that?" I asked pulling a water bottle out of the fridge.

"That was your new doctor, Dr. Cullen. You have an appointment Wednesday after school." I sighed. I hated going to the doctors. All they do is make you fat enough to be healthy and then they kick you to the curb.

"I bought a new scale yesterday, and I taped up everything we need on the fridge." I looked over at the refridgerator and sure enough there they were. Satan's version of the Ten Commandments. Rule One: Thou shall eat.

Charlie continued. "Everything is ready at school. That is if you're up to it. " I nodded. I had nothing better to do.

Awkward silence. "Well I can order pizza if you'd like?" I shook my head quickly. Pizza was too good and had way to many calories.

"I'll make something." Charlie nodded and went into the living room to watch television. I sighed. Pizza sounded so good....

An half-hour later we were sitting around the table eating spaghetti. I scooted mine around the plate trying to put it off as long as possible.

"Bella." Charlie warned. I sighed and took a bite. It was heaven and hell at the same time. I ate enough to make Charlie happy. _Better get use to it. _I told Charlie I was going to bed. I took my toiletries to the bathroom and began brushing my teeth. I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was a scale. I spat out my toothpaste, and stepped slowly onto it. 95 lbs. I sighed. A small part of my mind knew that was still too skinny, but the bigger part of my brain was bawling her eyes out.

Three weeks ago I had been a deadly 82.6 lbs. when the paramedics rushed me to the hospital after my mom found me passed out. After that all I heard was **eat, eat, eat. **The doctors sent me home after two weeks where I stayed with my mom. I had therapy sessions twice a week, and a check up once a week. I was getting better but not as quickly as the doctors hoped I would. That's where Charlie came in. Now I'm seeing Dr. Cullen three times a week. I'm secretly glad to be out of Phoenix. The kids in school had hear and quickly everyone was staring at me, whispering about the anorexic girl. Renee was no help. All she ever do was cry when she saw me. Of course I had my therapist, but it's not like I was _actually_ going to tell him what I was thinking.

I only had one goal in life: to disappear all together. I got off the scale and finished my nightly routines. I layed in bed staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars I had put on the ceiling when I was twelve. Those were happiers times. I wish I could go back then. I wish I could just go back before all of this started. I closed my eyes and wished on the glowing stars just for that. I opened my eyes. Nothing. _It was worth a shot._

I woke up at 5:30 for no particular reason. I stayed laying down waiting for the sun to come streaming through the windows. After an hour I remembered where I was and that it was probably unlikely. I took a hot shower and put on my clothes. I still had to wear a belt. I needed new clothes. Charlie stuck around just to make sure I ate breakfast. I walked out to my truck(a welcome home present from Charlie) and headed off to school. Forks High was nothing but a few small building clustered together. I parked in an empty spot and left the warmness of my truck. It was summer but I was always cold. The office wasn't hard to find and held nothing but a couple desk, fake plants, and a heavy-set woman. The woman's name plate read Ms. Cope.

"I'm Isabella Swan?" In my nervousness it came out as a question. Ms. Cope's reaction to my appearance was almost comical. Sallow cheeks, toothpick arms and legs, and baggy clothes.

"Yes, Charlie's daughter. I have your stuff right here, Isabella." I grimaced at the name. Ms. Cope flipped through a few folders till apparenlty she found what she was looking for.

"Here's your schedule and a map of the school." I had to keep from scoffing. I don't think I would need a map. She handed me a small piece of paper. "I'll need you to have all your teachers sign this and bring it back to me at the end of the day. I hope you enjoy Forks, dear." I didn't have the heart to tell her that that would never happen so I just smiled and nodded. As I predicted I didn't need the map. I walked into class and the teacher directed me to the back. I heard a few cat-calls(which made me blush) and a few whispers. _Great. Less than five minutes in and you already have rumors spreading._ Class was boring. A boy Mike offered to help me find my classes. I felt the urge to scoff again but instead just allowed him to do his own thing. He chattered non-stop all the way to class. Turns out I have every class with Mike. _Joy. My own little puppy._ The day went by as usual. Apparently, the teachers knew about my 'problem' as they all watched me like hawks at lunch. I blushed at the attention and of course some of the other students noticed but didn't say anything. Biology was next, and Mike was disappointed that we couldn't be partners since he already had one. I was happy of course but made sure not to show it. The teacher signed my slip and watched me wearily. _Great. _There was a boy sitting at my table. A very gorgeous boy. (AN:I won't go into detail about Edward. We all know what he looks like.) I mumbled a hello, and he mumbled one back. The teacher, Mr. Banner, called me to the front to introduce myself. I sighed and got up.

"Uh, I'm Bella. I moved here from Phoenix." I couldn't think of anything else I wanted to say. No way was I telling them about my 'problem'. Mr. Banner, however, didn't think this sufficed.

"Why did you move here?" I grimaced. Of course he had to ask that.

"I just wanted to spend more time with Charlie -I mean my dad." I lied. That was a good enough excuse, right? Mr. Banner let me sit back down. Thank God. The rest of the day was boring and all I could do was dread Wednesday.

It's been one day and already I wanted to bury myself under ground and never leave. _Perfect._

**Love it? Hate it? I wanted to write a story about my own battle with anorexia and wrote this. Sorry if the weight numbers are unrealistic. I don't really remember the time span between each number. Anyways, I hope you like it.**

**Review!**

**P.S. Tell me what sort of character Edward should be. I haven't exactly decided how I wanted his personality to be.**


	2. Chapter 2

**_era_Bella's Pov**

The day that I was dreading finally rolled around. Wednesday. Since Monday school has made no improvement. Boring, boring, boring. Now I have to see a man who's going to poke around my brain. Charlie left the address for me on the fridgerator. _Thanks dad because I'm sure I can find a place I've never been too oh so easily. _

As I predicted I was running fifteen minutes late and still hadn't found it. I checked all the street signs till I found the one I was looking for, Maple. _Bingo._ Third driveway on the left. One, two, three. The driveway kept going and going. I was worried I had gotten myself lost in the woods when there was a clearing in the trees. There in the clearing was the most amazing house I have ever seen. Why is a house like **that** in a town like this? I pulled into the driveway hoping I wasn't lost. That would be great. I walked up the great stairs and knocked on the door twice. I heard a muffled 'coming' before the door was swung open. I looked down to see a very, petite girl with black hair and bright green eyes. The eyes looked familiar....

"Hi! I'm Alice!" The girl said in her wind-chime voice. I shook her outstretched hand looking very confused I'm sure.

"I'm sorry, but my dad gave me this address to see a Dr. Cullen?" Alice's eyes lit up with understanding. She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house.

"You must be Carlisle's new patient. I'll show you to his office." Alice lead me up a curved staircase to a third story. How big was this house? Alice knocked softly on the door before opening it.

"Carlisle this is your new patient...?" Alice trailed off looking at me.

"Bella Swan." Alice smiled and excused herself. Carlisle stood up from his desk and held out his for mine to shake. His hand was cold.(An: Carlisle is not a vampire. He just has cold hands.)

"I see you've met Alice. Most likely you'll end up meeting my other children soon." I nodded curious about his children. Then I got paranoid.

"They won't hear this conversation will they?" I asked nervously lowering my voice in case they were listening. Carlisle chuckled.

"No this room is sound proof. And anything you say in this office will stay in this office." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." I muttered. Carlisle chuckled again and nodded.

"Why don't you tell me about yourself, Bella?" I sighed. I hated when doctors tried to be your friends.

"Like what?" I said cautiously. Carlisle chuckled again.

"It's okay Bella. I don't bite. How about we start with something simple? How do you like Forks?" That was a simple question but doesn't mean I should tell the truth.

"It's okay. Sort of dreary." I said. That was true enough. Carlisle nodded.

"The rain can be sort of depressing can't it?" I nodded my head still eyeing him wearily.

"What's your favorite color?" I chuckled. If all the questions were going to be easy maybe this wouldn't be that bad.

"Brown." I answered simply. Carlisle furrowed his brow in confusion and even let out a small snort.

"Brown?" He asked disbelievingly. I shrugged.

"Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that's suppose to be brown-tree trunks, rocks, dirt-is all covered up with squashy green stuff here."(I couldn't resist even though it took me 5 minutes to find that line.) Carlisle chuckled again.

"Very interesting." I didn't miss that he had been writing all that down. Was that going to bite me in the butt later? Bella won't eat because her favorite color isn't even on the color wheel? Carlisle kept up the easy questions until he grew more serious.

"Now what about your parents?" He asked cautiously. Maybe worried I would blow up on him. I shrugged again.

"What about them? My mom got knocked up, they got married, and then realized they couldn't stand eachother and got divorced." I said casually, and I wasn't even faking it. I grew up this way. I was use to it. It had nothing to do with my _problem_. Carlilse, however, had other ideas.

"And how did that affect you as a child?" I rolled my eyes. Right when I thought Carlisle was cool he had to go and ruin it by bringing up the infamous 'how does that make feel?' question. Of course he did it more sneakily.(Is that even a real word?)

I told him how I saw it. "It didn't really affect me. I never knew any different. Sure it may had been a pain in the butt to have to do two different Christmases and Thanksgivings, but that's pretty much it. My parents both love me and that was enough." Carlisle seemed to accept my answer. For now. I'm sure this would be brought up in another session. Maybe he'll even fly Renee down for a 'family session.'

A few more easy questions before he got serious again. He brought in a full-size mirror. "Now Bella I want you too look in this mirror and tell me what you see." I stood up and looked at the mirror. I grimaced but tried to hide that from Carlisle.

"I see me." I answered, stalling. Carlisle sighed.

"And what do you think about how you look?" I shrugged.

"I have brown hair, brown eyes. Nothing extraordinary." Carlilse nodded and gestured for me to continue. I sighed and looked back at the mirror.

"I see a girl who is unhappy." That was true. "I see an unhealthy girl." That was true. "I see a girl who is too skinny and wants to get better but doesn't know how." That was half true. I wanted to get better, and I really didn't know how. However, I did not see a too skinny girl. I saw a girl whose thighs were too big, and had more fat around her waist then she would like. I saw a girl who arms would jiggle would she moved her arm. I saw a girl who refrained from smiling because she thought it showed just how chubby her cheeks were. The girl I saw in the mirror was not really the girl reflected back. I couldn't see that. Carlisle opened his mouth to speak but thankfully the timer rang. _Thank god._ Carlisle sighed.

"You can go Bella, but I want to talk about this next time." I smiled, nodded, and ran the hell out there. I was almost out the door when I was stopped my a beautiful woman with caramel hair.

"Hello dear." She said warmly. "You must be, Bella." I nodded. Alice came bounding into the room.

"Isn't she pretty, Esme?" I blushed something that had stopped when I quit eating. _Reason 347 as to why I shouldn't eat._ I smiled at Esme.

"You have a beautiful home, Mrs. Cullen." Esme laughed softly.

"Thank you, but please call me Esme." I nodded and smiled again. Alice said something in Esme's ear, and Esme smiled and nodded.

"Would you like to stay for dinner, Bella?" I shook my head quickly.

"I would hate to intrude." It was Esme's turn to shake her head.

"Nonsense dear. We would love to have you."

"Please stay, Bella. I can tell we're going to be great friends!" Pleaded Alice using a puppy pout. I silently groaned. I was always a sucker for those.

"Yes, Bella, please stay." Said Carlisle from the stairs. I silently groaned again. I forgot he was there. I'm sure every movement I made while eating would be noticed. Great. I was about to protest again when I saw Alice's face.

With a sigh I agreed to stay. Alice squealed and leapt forward to hug me. I patted her back awkwardly.

I followed Alice to her bedroom with one thought. _What have I gotten myself into?_

**I hope you liked this chapter. Anyways, Review!**

**Love, **

**Katie**


	3. Chapter 3

**Bella's Pov**

Alice sure was a spunky litte thing. Her room was purple and all her furniture was white. She had a little vanity and mirror, and a huge walk in closet which she showed me around in for at least ten minutes. She talked to me about clothes, talking so fast I barely caught it all. After a while, Esme called us down for dinner. Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me down the stairs. I inhaled. It was mouthwatering. I scowled. Alice pulled me into the kitchen, and I plastered a smile.

"It smells delicious, Esme." Esme smiled warmly at me.

"Excellent. I made plenty so eat as much as you want." I kept the smile on my face while I replied.

"Great." I said through gritted teeth. Esme didn't notice. I sat down next to Alice. Carlisle camed down followed by two boys. One was huge and looked like he could snap me in half with his pinky. The other boy looked faguely familiar.

"Edward?" I asked the same time he said my name. Everyone else looked confused.

"You know eachother?" Carlisle asked me. I nodded.

"Yeah, Edward's my biology partner." Edward nodded. This time Esme spoke up.

"Well, I hope Edward's been the gentleman I raised him to be and welcomed you to town." Esme said glaring at Edward. I chuckled softly. Besides that first hello Edward hadn't spoken one word to me. Edward looked at me with pleading eyes. I rolled _my_ eyes. Did he actually think I was going to rat him out to his mom?

"Yeah, Edward's been great. I couldn't ask for a better partner." I lied. Esme quit glaring at Edward and turned to me.

"So, Bella, where did you move from?" Esme asked simply. I grimaced slightly. Not at the question but what I knew the question would lead to. Everyone else began to pile their plates, and I was slightly glad Esme was distracting me.

"Uh, Arizona." I answered simply. Carlisle eyed my empty plate so I slabbed a piece of steak on my plate. I groaned internally. Steak? Was she trying to break me?

"Why did you move? If you don't mind me asking?" I grimaced again. No way was I telling her the truth.

"My mother Renee remarried, and I decided I would give them space and spend some time with Charlie." That was sort of true. My mom had remarried. And she had decided I should move with Charlie. And apparenlty give her space. I grimaced again. I looked at Carlilse. He knew I was lying, but I prayed he wouldn't say anything. He nodded seeming to understand me.

"Oh that's very sweet of you." I nodded at Esme while disagreeing with her on the inside. I was the worst daughter. I made my mom so worried sick and then get angry at her for trying to fix me. Of course, she could have done it better. Carlisle cleared his throat.

"Bella, have some mashed potatoes." I glared at him while I scooped some one my plate. He pushed it closer to me indicating I should have more. I sighed and took more scoops and raised my eyebrows as to say' there happy.' He nodded but pointed at a bowl of macaroni. I groaned and everyone turned to stare at me. I blushed.

"Uh, I stubbed my toe, on the table." I mumbled. Everyone looked at me strangely before shrugging. I stared at my plate. The numbers of calories jumping to the front of my mind. How much I would have to run to burn that off. I cut my steak into small bites trying to prolong. Esme offered me steak sauce I denied. More calories. Carlisle kept staring at my plate so I sighed and finally took a bite. It was delicious. I hated it. I chew 10 times. A habit I had picked up in the beginning. I was the last to finish. Everyone around me finished first. I felt slightly awkward being the only one silent but thankfully conversation flowed between the others taking the spotlight off of me. Except for Carlisle. Just as I predicted he had watched me the entire meal. I wanted to say something smart to him like 'take a picture, it will last longer' but decided to keep my mouth shut. I finally finished what was on my plate and was relieved to be out of the kitchen. It was too tempting not to eat more. Alice dragged me back upstairs, and we talked about school and other teenage things. I had to go to the bathroom, and Alice pointed me to the room. I walked out the door and bumped into something hard. Or someone. Two arms caught out to steady me, and I looked up at Edward. He smiled slightly at me.

"Thanks for not ratting me out to my mom earlier." I rolled my eyes again.

"Edward, I quit doing that when I was 5 it's no problem." He nodded. I noticed his arms were still on mine. I looked down at them until he moved. Edward seemed amazed by my arm for some reason. He kept staring at them.

"What?" He shook his hand and wrapped his fingers around my arm. They almost touched.

"Your arms are tiny. How much do you weigh? Ten pounds?" He joked.

"I wish." I mumbled. Edward caught it though and looked at me questioningly. I shook my head.

"I should be going. I'm just going to tell Alice bye." Edward nodded, but I felt his eyes staring into my back as I walked away. Alice was disappointed to see me leave and said I must see with her at lunch. I agreed.

Charlie was alseep on the couch when I got home. I walked to my room and stared at myself in my own mirror. I lifted up my shirt. Even though I knew it wasn't possible I felt like I had gained 10 pounds in that one meal. I sighed and a tear streamed down my cheek. I walked to the bathroom, and before I knew what I was doing I was flushing my own vomit down. I brushed my teeth and was disgusted to see I was smiling.

I need help.

**Review. I was really tired and out of it so I don't think it was that good but hopefully you do!**

**Katie**


	4. Chapter 4

**Bella's pov**

The smile didn't stay on my face through the morning. When I woke up my throat burned slightly, and I felt disgusted with myself.

I'm sure Renee would be real happy. I'm no longer anorexic, but on the verge of bulimia. _No, it was a one time thing. _Hopefully. I took a shower in the dark, avoiding looking in the mirror. I didn't look at myself once and just hoped my hair looked okay. Charlie stayed to make sure I ate breakfast, and I bolted out even though I knew I was early. I sat in the mostly empty parking lot waiting for cars to arrive. Someone knocked on my window, and I jumped. I looked down to see Alice smiling widely at me. I smiled half-heartedly at her. She opened the door and gestured for me to come with her. I followed her to a silver Volvo where Edward was leaning casually against the door. He smiled at me and I waved. Emmet, Alice's bear of a brother, was across the lot talking to Rosalie Hale. Rosalie Hale was someone I wish I could be. She was beautiful, popular, and most of all skinny. She had a perfect sports illustrated model's body. I sighed and turn to face Edward and Alice.

"How are you this morning, Bella?" Edward asked politely. I shrugged.

_Crappy._ "I'm good. It's a nice day out." And it was. The sun was out slightly and warming my cheeks. Alice and Edward agreed.

"So... Bella when are you coming over again?" Alice asked excitedly. I smiled fondly at her childlike behavior.

_Never. _"Uh, well I have another appointment after school." Renee had it arranged where I went to Dr. Cullen on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays-my new least favorite days of the week. Alice smiled and clapped, actually clapped. I gave Edward a look that said 'is she okay?' Edward chuckled at my expression.

"You should stay for dinner again!" Alice suggested. I quickly shook my head no. The Cullen's were very nice, but I didn't want a repeat of last night. Particulary, the vomitting. Alice pouted at me. I shook my head. She pouted more.

"Please Bella? We would love having you." This time it was not Alice asking, but Edward. I turned to Edward to see him giving me a heart-stopping crooked grin. I was sure my mouth dropped, and it was confirmed when Edward's grin turned smug. I glared at him slightly before turning to Alice.

"I'll think about it." Alice frowned , but I walked away before she could make me feel guilty. The day passed in a blur and before I knew it I was being dragged by a pixie into the cafeteria.

"Alice, what are you doing?" Alice kept moving forward dragging me into the lunch line. We had bought our lunches, and Alice was dragging me to a table when she answered.

"You promised to eat lunch with me today, silly." I frowned. I really liked Alice, and I was sure if I gave her the chance we would be great friends but I didn't want to give her a chance. She was so bubbly and friendly, and all I wanted to do was wallow in my own self-pity. Alice plopped down in a seat, dragging me with her, where I was met with 2 curious set of eyes and 2 familiar sets of eyes.

"Bella this is Rosalie and Jasper Hale. Rosalie is Emmett's girlfriend, and Jasper's my boyfriend." Alice smiled lovingly at Jasper. Jasper smiled warmly at me while Rosalie waved seeming bored. I tried my best to smile back, but I'm sure it wasn't very assuring. I felt so intimidated with all these beautiful, perfect people. "And of course you know Edward and Emmet." Alice continued. Edward smiled at me, and Emmet smiled very wide and wiggled his eyebrows at me. Again I tried to smile back but found it difficult. Alice and Jasper began chatting quietly while Emmet and Rose began making out. I looked away uncomfortable. Eventually, the love birds stopped and joined in Alice and Jasper's conversation. I sat there quietly playing with my food. Edward leaned towards me.

"Aren't you going to eat?" I sighed and smiled slightly before taking a bite of my apple. Edward smiled and winked. I blushed. I ate quickly trying to get the teachers, and the Cullens, to stop staring at me. All too soon school was out, and I was following the Cullens back to their place. I was still amazed by their house. I mean I knew Carlilse was a doctor but how much did they pay him? Carlisle walked down the stairs right as we walked in.

"Bella, right on time." Carlisle said enthusiastically. Too enthusiastically. I followed Carlisle up the stairs into his office. I layed down on the couch feel exhausted. Carlisle asked me a few polite questions before getting to the good stuff.

"So, Bella, have you ever experienced something traumatic?" I blink. Wow. Way to be straight-foward. I thought about all the traumatic experiences in my life. I only had one and that was when I got lost at Wal-Mart.

"No. Nothing traumatic. I'm just fucked up in the mind." Carlisle chuckled not even scolding me for my language. Carlisle asked a few questions about Renee and Charlie but other than that the session was a breeze. How much is Renee and Charlie paying for this guy? Carlisle questions felt like a survey on Myspace. Easy except for a few gossip questions. The timer rang, and I ran down the stairs straight into Alice.

_Damnit._

"Bella, I called Charlie and he said it was fine for you to stay for Dinner." My eyes buldged out of my head. She called Charlie?_ Oh she was good._ I sighed and followed her upstairs. Alice played with my hair, complaining about how thick it was. I wanted to say 'you should see it when I actually eat.' but kept my mouth shut. After an hour or so I got a text message. I looked at my phone. Alice was rummaging around in her closet.

It was from Renee.

_Hey Bells! How are you? Are you eating?-Love Mom_. I sighed and answered a 'yes.' I knew it bothered Renee that she had to be relieved at something as trivial as eating. Alice appeared behind my shoulder.

"Who are you texting?" I gasped and moved away from her grasp. Alice pouted at me. I laughed nervously.

"Nobody." Alice raised her eyebrow at me, but shrugged. I pushed 'erase messages' and cursed my phone for being slow. Finally, my inbox showed '0' and I sighed in relief. I turned off my phone ignoring the new message from Renee. Esme called announcing dinner was done. I held my breathe and walked down the stairs preparing for battle.

**Thank you for all the reviews!**

**review more!**

**Katie**


	5. AN

**I'm sorry I haven't updated lately, but I've been visiting my grandparents in Oklahoma and they don't have a computer.**

**I am considering stopping this story. I'm drawing a blank on the relationship between Edward and Bella. Also, this is difficult for me to write because it is slightly based on my own experiences and is bringing back unwanted memories.**

**I haven't made my decision yet, but if I do discontinue it you are more than welcome to take what i've already written and make it your own.**

**Thank you for all the reviews so far!**

**-Katie**


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